The glory in a restless love story.

I don't know and I don't understand because living as and asspiring to be societies everlasting pimple has turned off any form of social skills I should have and could have inherited in a decades time. Relying on and depending on no one else but yourself for any form of entertainment, conversation, love, and happyness builds up nothing but confusion about any socially involved situation.
I don't know
And I don't understand
however yours truly would love to explain
if he could just weave these words together
to make sense like they do in his head
I really can't for the life of me figure out why nervousness and paranoia seem to engulf me on the nights when I need to lose them the most. Hanging by my neurons and presenting themselves to an audience that needs not their opinion. I sometimes sit back and think of all those nights I spent by myself and try to convince myself I felt fine back then. Upon the latest realization however, I have made the conciencious desision that those long and lonely years were spent in a fog of self-propelled lies and destruction. I think now(know rather) that showing two blue pools what its really like when a person loves the temperature, maybe too much, is a fuck of a lot better then living off trash and nickles found on the sidewalk. Maybe it's too much but it is what it is in front of my face and in my dreams. Just keep quiet and keep it to yourself, that should fix all thats wrong in the animal kingdom. If it doesen't(God forbid) then sadly maybe these animals were never meant to evolve to a happier state and lay stagnent in their caves, slumbering blissfully as the war wages on outside. I'd love to awaken them though with the soft touch of senserity and serenity as they roll on their backs and stretch and rub there eyes filled with sleepies that had blinded them for so long. Maybe one day, hopefully and longingly I can show them a better day with passion so strong and love been there all along.
la de da de da de lazy days come with a stronghold gripped to ones neck by apathy, nihilism, and pestilance not this time welcomed, exaulted, or wanted. Feelings? I miss numbness. But give me pain and sorrow to go along with all of the joy to help format all of this into a love story.